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But for me, it's more like bird-watching. I am most intrigued by a redheaded-woodpecker guy on the couch. But the raven-haired writer at the table by the men's room is cute, too. Jim has heard this hundreds of times before. I focus on the writer by the restrooms. We have liftoff, I think, so now Jim hands me his list of icebreakers. It includes "I'd like to take those eyes home with me," "I love your Fire Island T-shirt," and "Weren't you in the marathon last year? Quite simply, though, I can't stand up. I'm absolutely paralyzed with fear. What's up with gay men anyway? Why, in this open, accepting society, are we so screwed up about dating that Brad Gooch had to publish a book last year called Finding the Boyfriend Within?

Jim, whose business is called Dating Strategies, has his theories, and none of them make reference to Sex and the City because he finds men-with-men a completely different situation from men-with-women. That's why you see attractive women with guys with bellies. Gay men have more anxieties because they had no support while dating as teenagers.